Today, a very close friend of mine told me that he is gay. People used to joke about it but no one really meant it. He liked to dress nice and cared about the way he looked. I bit of a fetish with hands and neat nails, but he wasnt flamboyant or flamy.
All i could say was that i am glad that he told me. He has never really said anything to me before. I guess i am still overwhelmed by the idea. He talked to me a bit about his new friend that he finds attractive and wants to be with. I asked him to send me a picture because i didnt really know what to say. Normally with a girlfriend, i would ask if she has kissed him yet or more personal questions, but i didnt even want to ask that.
He is so great to hang out with and so fun, i guess i dont want this to affect his personality or our relationship that we have. On top of that, he asked me not to tell anyone because he is not sure how others will take it. Arrgghh!
I just need to vent, i really hope this is all a prank, but if it isnt, i just pray for the help and the strength to not cry or become distant when he wants to talk about his love life or activities with his new friend.
Root Mean Square Value
1 year ago
6 comments:
first, just remember that he's still the same guy that you've known. If you don't normally talk about kissing and other activities you do with your husband and he starts to talk about them, then politely say that talking about those sort of things makes you uncomfortable because you feel it is a private thing. second, remember that having these feelings is not a sin. It's acting on them that is. However, if he does act on them, still support him and love him for who he is. Support of him, not necessarily of what he decides to do will give him confidence and will help him not feel like he'll lose everything just because he feels a little different than most guys feel. It can be a difficult thing. Last, buy him some pink socks that say "boys love me" it'll just tickle him. ;)
cute advice, good advice. I've had a rough year when I first found out that Burke Daniel was gay and now John Bonner. The whole idea made me so sad..not so much because they were gay but because it's not one of those things you can just un-do like making a mistake. Its a feeling that they have been struggling with and like my friend said "do you think for one minute that I WANTED this?"
I prayed for weeks about why Heavenly Father would do this to them and how could they ever go forward now and be members and somehow return to Him..
my answer came really clearly one day and I have never had an experience like this before but as clear as day I heard a voice say "Did I not move the mountains?" and I knew it was my answer. I know it seems really hopeless, like how could it ever be fixed but I know the Lord is looking out for every child of his and has a plan for each of us. In the meantime, your friend needs to know that no matter how much you care about him, you aren't okay with that factor of his life. I would just beg him to try to be patient with you just as much as you are willing to be patient with his needs too...I think we live in a world where its so unacceptable to NOT accept homosexuality so its like we're apologizing all over the place to not offend them. I just wish that they could understand how hard it is for us to find a way to accept and love them in spite of what we know to be true. Thats such a difficult line to walk and hopefully if you put it to him in those terms, he'll be more sensitive to how much you want to still be his friend without compromising your beliefs.
If you're anything like me , this will be on your mind for a long long time. He sounds like a really good person, Im glad he has you for a friend.
i told nate....i dont think it will matter too much as long as Nate doesnt say anything. Of course, nate is a guy and doesnt gossip like women do. They just tell jokes. Nate was just as shocked but doesnt seem to be too worried because it is my friends decision and he cant change that.
Hmmm! I want to tell him that i dont agree and i dont want him to get any freaky diseases but i think that if i do, he will clam up, he is very emotional at times...
thanks for the advice, i really appreciate it.
Welll...I agree with most of what dfieldville says...except for "In the meantime, your friend needs to know that no matter how much you care about him, you aren't okay with that factor of his life."
At first when I read this...I misunderstood it..so although I do agree...my first impression read "your friend needs to know that this portion of his life isnt OK..." which isnt what was said..but I feel I will comment anyways on what I thought I had read. I feel that they should know 'you' arent ok with it..and although we know it isnt ok at all...it isnt our boat to tell them this...we can tell them we dont agree and arent ok with it (as dfv said) but I do NOT think we can tell them that there lifestyle isnt OK..it puts us in the God posistion wich isnt ours to take. Now if they bring the issue up...thats different.....they are looking for an opinion then. As toosure might rememnber when I had some disagreements with decisions she was making..unless her...or Lis brought it up..I left it alone. The problem was they seemed to somehow inadvertently bring it up everytime they were over.
It is frustrating to not agree with someones life choices yet still love and treat them normally. And I am the perfect example...right ohh my little ones?
All the comments here are great. For me, I am still coming to terms with John. I feel like I am going through all the steps of grieving. At first I was so shocked. I know he always acted different than most guys, but I truly truly never thought he was gay. I was shocked, and then I felt betrayed.I got really mad at him for a few days, weeks maybe. Not so much because of his lifestyle choice, but because we were best friends, really best friends. Or, at least I thought we were. He explained he never told me because he knew how I felt... he was probably right. I don't know how I would have processed it then. Maybe I was and am really mad at myself. Yeah, I am so angry with myself because my heart was broken to find out how much he has struggled with this, how he even contemplated suicide. I was so so sad that I wasn't a person he could confide in over it. I think back, and believe that he may have had some other friends of ours that he told then, but I am not sure... I just hate to think, he didn't tell me, and because of that, could have been hurting so much, and could have ended his life and I wouldn't have been the kind of friend to talk to, and offer some kind of help or peace. Makes my heart just ache to think of it all. But I do still love him so much. So now. I am so so sad. Sad mostly for the man that I used to imagine him becoming. A strong member of the church, singing in the choir, serving on the Bishopric, with a beautiful wife and sweet tender hearted children, with opinions and strength of character like their father. So now, I feel I mourn what I wanted for my best friend. Finally, I feel so proud of him, so proud of him for trying for so long to follow the things he new to be right. For fighting as long as he could, for pleading with the Lord to help ease the burden he carried. And I am so so grateful he was strong enough to resist the tide of hopelessness and did not take his own life. That would have been the truest of tragedies. In High School, it would have devastated me. The idea of it now even takes my breath away. Can you believe I am even bawling as I type this. So, I am still sorting through my feelings. But I never, through any of the thoughts I have had, stopped wanting to know him, be friends with him and to love him. He was and still is one of the most important people I have met in this life. And that is just it, as long as he is living this life, no matter the lifestyle, he still has his free agency to choose, and for now, he is happy, I believe. And that, that makes me happy.
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