Another dream...

I know, it is about time that I update my blog....

 Last night I was blessed with another dream about mom.  I love these dreams, whether real or not, I always feel that I get a little insight for who my mother really was.My dreams are always scattered with not much of a story, this one was enough to remember and wake up happy with the thought of meeting her. It started out with Laura calling me about a family reunion that we were making plans for.  She surprised me by telling me that she had been in contact with mom and that she was finally going to make it to the reunion this year.  I was so excited about getting the chance to finally meet her.

The day we met at the reunion, I approached and hugged her like a relative that I had wished to get to know my whole life but life had led us in different directions that prevented us from doing so.  It seems as though we talked for a bit I don’t remember what it was about.  She was dressed in older clothing, I guess made up from my memory of old photos.  She had short hair, large glasses and just a plain sweater.  She had lots of visitors and so I left to see who else had made it to the reunion.  As I left her camping spot, I noticed she had set up a sign language learning center for anyone that wanted to pick up a few things. She had several tables set up with different crafts and it soon became the hang out place for everyone.

I soon found Aunt LeAnn, Kirsten with her girls, Laura with her kids, and Becca.  They too seemed just as eager to spend time with mom. She spent a lot of time doing crafts with the grand kids, who grew to adore her.  As the days went by, everyone got their chance to spend some quality time with mom and soon my time came.  I was helping her pack up her car and finally asked her why she never came back after she got better.  She told me that she did for a little while but saw that my dad had a job that she knew would not last or support the family and so she chose to leave.  She had been living in California this entire time while we all grew up without her.

I was a frustrated that she chose to walk out on us and do something else with her life. She took the easy way out and didn’t feel that she did anything wrong. I finished helping her pack up her things so she could again leave us and go back home; wondering when we would see her again.

When I woke up I was happy that I got to see her, even though it was just a dream.  I thought about that last part and how annoyed I was to find out that she left us by choice. Then I came to realize that I would not be the person I am now today if she was a part of my life, as sad as it sounds.  I could have ended up with a completely different life.  I would not have the family I have today. I became who I am today because of my step-mom, step-family, my dad and my brothers and sisters.  I realized that I should not try to wish it all away. I should not try to wish it had been different because I would have missed out on everything I have today. 

I don't know if the dream had any meaning but I try to document each dream I have so I can always have those memories and reminders.  It has been about 3 years since my last dream.